Spencer's Revenge
23rd July
I have read dear Ariadne’s pre-show diary with interest, and indeed, have
been asked to provide my own contribution to assist those gentleman readers
who may be thinking of entering various classes in the show. I fear that I
can only speak with any authority as an observer, since my own efforts in
this area have been limited to a single entry of a photograph in the
Handicraft section (Section F, Class 86), some years ago. Sadly, I was not
placed, and in subsequent years, my resolve to do better has been frustrated
by my frequent and necessary absences to deal with my extensive business
affairs. On one such trip, a number of years ago, I was away for the whole
week before and after the show (for which I have yet to be forgiven).
However, before I continue, it falls to me to clear up a few misapprehensions to which you, dear reader, may have succumbed. You may recall that in an earlier instalment of this diary, my beloved claimed that I was told that, should I enter any of the cookery classes of the show, I would be responsible for clearing and washing up, and that upon being so told, I was heard to utter the accusation that she was harsh. The truth of the matter is that Ariadne’s culinary exploits leave the kitchen, pantry, scullery and outbuildings resembling nothing so much as an explosion in a custard-pie manufacturing facility. On these occasions, it often seems that the staff have prior arrangements for time off, or have elderly or sick relatives that must be visited without delay, leaving my good self in charge of clearing up operations. You may be sure that these are conducted with military precision and that not a single grain of flour or splash of water remains on any surface.
Men and boys may enter Class 72 of the show, which is for a Dundee cake.
This is a rich fruit and nut cake, which should be made some time in advance
in order that it can be “fed” with whisky to improve its flavour and
texture. I believe that Ariadne has already described this process. The idea
of adding whisky to a cake is rather intriguing, as this is not a use I had
previously considered for the produce of the estates belonging to the
Scottish branch of the Paulet-Halt family. Perhaps the idea of adding whisky
to things to improve their performance will catch on; sadly, the other day,
when I was assisting Ariadne in the glasshouses, my sotto voce comment that
some of the potential vegetable entries for the show looked as if they would
benefit from a large Scotch was not well received.
There are no other classes exclusively for men and boys. It is often the case that the vegetable classes in Section A and the wine and beer classes (Section G) tend to be dominated by entries from the men of the village. Likewise, there is often a strong male presence in the dahlia (Classes 37 to 42) and rose classes (43 to 48). However, anybody may enter any class in any Section other than those for which there are specific entry criteria (Class 72, as already mentioned, and the children’s classes, 94 to 100).
Well readers -- as I write this week’s edition, there has been a development. My dear wife informs me that the Basingstoke Flower and Vegetable Show takes place next Sunday 29th. She is planning to go and have a snoop about to find out what they are up to. Well, that might give me a bit of peace and quiet next Sunday. I shall look forward to it.
Tuesday 24th July
I am somewhat perturbed to return home from work to find the show schedule
for the Basingstoke Flower and Vegetable Show on the hall table.
Ariadne informs me that it is for research purposes only.
Thursday 26th July
Arrived home to find a mound of cheese scones, a log pile of cheese straws,
and a couple of biscuit barrels of choc chip cookies distributed around the
kitchen together with the associated washing up. Further
investigations reveal that she IS intending to enter the Basingstoke Flower
and Vegetable Show. (They don’t have much to fear if you ask me, if
the aforementioned baking is anything to go by).
Friday 27th July
Upon my return today I find she has got Violet Elizabeth at it as well.
When I protest that one village show a year is quite enough, Ariadne informs
me that Violet Elizabeth needs some quiet activities to keep her stimulated
this week on account of her falling off her horse yesterday and having her
chin stitched up at the NHH. I made my point quite forcibly, I
thought, that it was all up to her if she wanted to do it, and I was NOT
getting involved.
Saturday 28th July
Paulet Hall is a mad house today. I have had to get out my long ladder
to climb up the trellis in the walled garden to investigate the state of the
roses in the rain. I have been asked to find a photograph of a
Macaroni penguin which I understand is to be the subject of an animal
sculpture made from a vegetable, and I have had to print off numerous photos
on the computer for the various photographic classes. Never
mind, peace and quiet tomorrow.
Sunday 29th July
Rudely awoken at 7am (on a Sunday, I ask you), and asked to help load the
car with her entries. Ariadne and Violet Elizabeth leave at 8.30am,
returning briefly at 10.30am “to keep me updated”. Belatedly it dawns
on me that I am expected to attend the show this afternoon. So much
for a peaceful Sunday afternoon.
Read next week’s instalment to find out how Ariadne got on!